What I Needed to Hear at 2 A.M.

"You must never give in to despair.

Allow yourself to slip down that road and you surrender to your lowest instincts.

In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself — that is the meaning of inner strength."- Uncle Iroh

It's 2 a.m., and I am up listening to these affirmations over and over. Wise words spoken by Uncle Iroh from Avatar: The Last Airbender.

I am a 30-year-old woman, and I see myself in Uncle Iroh. Someone extremely wise, carrying loss, fun-spirited, light, capable, and holding many other positive, strength-filled, and empowering attributes. Yet all I can do tonight is listen to this on repeat because that’s how badly I need comfort from an external source.

At 30, my eyes are open and my heart is guarded. The journey ahead seems exciting and sometimes daunting.

Today, my husband and I visited my mother-in-law, father-in-law, and sister-in-law at their home. It was my father-in-law’s birthday. It was supposed to be a pleasant experience. I got dressed up to go, yet I came back with a sour taste and a heavy burden on my heart and mind.

On the way home, I went on a hyperventilating string of sentences that probably didn’t make much sense because it is so difficult to describe in words what that family makes me feel. I am subtly brought down, constantly pushed, and carefully observed while I’m there with a clear lack of love.

I find myself missing the little girl I was, loved by my mom and dad. They never kept me at arm’s length. They never expected endless work from me while ignoring my accomplishments (heart). They never used me or undermined my worth (mind).

My husband came home drained as well but he missed the deeper signs that I felt wholeheartedly. He also got to hear how heavy my heart was tonight. Now he’s asleep because he worked a 16-hour shift, but for me, the loneliness sets in.

I tried different coping mechanisms: reading, watching YouTube videos, and scrolling TikTok, though I keep turning it off because I need my mind to relax and sleep. Somehow, I ended up on this looped audio of Uncle Iroh saying this beautiful quote:

"You must never give in to despair.

Allow yourself to slip down that road and you surrender to your lowest instincts.

In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself — that is the meaning of inner strength."

It comforted me tonight.
I hope if you need it, it finds you at the right time, when you need it most.

Audio: TikTok link